...Marriage...

Happy New Year! It's been a year since I last write on this blog. Well, my Prince Charming has finally arrived! Relax, hold on to ur chairs. Will not tell u how we've met yet. Just wanted to tell u that i have a daughter and a husband and no longer whining and talking about being a single parent. Everything happened so fast and in a blink of an eye I have my own family.

My husband is not too good looking but he has the height and the brain. He also is a fine old man (hehe) when it comes to talking. He's funny and witty. My daughter, she's really a handful. Needs her parents to caress her 24/7 which is now my break time from her. But she's my little angel and she's perfect just as what my husband said. 

I'm currently suffering now from the cesarean. I can't walk properly or as fast as I used to. I am fat and ugly. How I wish I can make the time pass as fast as it can...I hate the confinement month. Everyday chicken soup until it's hard for me to have my appetite. Every night my stomach's churning as if I did not eat the whole day. If u'd asked me, no more kids. My God...9 months of controlling ur food and a month of jail makes u crazy...another 2 months will be taking care of ur baby and not enough sleep. This is what I asked for...then I have to accept my fate. 

Till then...my butt and my knees are killing me with this weight! Urgh!!!!

...embarrasment...

To everyone who wouldn't want to go through of the things that I had gone through recently. Everytime when there's a private number or anonymous number calling I would be very careful and ask who is it....but then this call made me feel or look stupid.

I have received a call from Astro last 2 weeks ago asking me to come to KL for an interview but then i told them 'NO' because the interview is 3 days away and i don't have enough money to buy ticket to fly. So then i thought they would never call again.

Last week was October. It was the month of Octoberfest where people drink till they're dying or drink like there' no tomorrow. It was on Saturday evening at 8pm...as I was getting ready to go out with a friend of mine, there's a call from a private number. I t goes like this:

Me : Hello?

Him : Hello? R u Eugenia Ida Edward?

Me : Yes.

Him : Do you still remember me?

Me : (Trying hard to listen to the familiar voice and suddenly noticed that I actually know who he is) What the hell?! Of coz I know who you are! U're Kucai! My God, how are u?!

Him : (Sounds puzzled) Im fine Thank u. U're Eugenia Ida Edward, right?

Me : Of Coz la. Y u kept on asking me that? Crazy o u. Hey, do you want to join me? i'm goin to October fest. Let's go there. It'll be fun!

Him : What do they have there?

Me : Lots! beer drinking sessions and music! Let's go there.

Him : Where is it?

Me : Waterfront! U should come....

Him : Where is it?

Me : U mean u don't know where's waterfront? My God...r u crazy? it's in kk...Then after that i'll bring you to penampang so that u know where to find me later. we're going to the clubs in penampang.

Him : what do they have there?

Me : Band la! and then we dance!

Him : Eugenia Ida Edward....I'm so sorry to tell you this...I'm not your friend.

Me : What d'u mean? Kucai...r u ok?

Him : My name's Alex...I'm not Kucai...You're friend. Im calling from Astro. We are calling you to inform you that you are qualified to be a part of our team in customer service....

Me : (My jaw drop like it'll never close....) I'm really really sorry....!

....since that incident i'll never assume anyone. My God i feel so embarrass although we're not dealing face 2 face but i can feel that he'll never call me again by asking do you remember me? what kind of company would like to call at night and on saturday evening some more. crazy!

at the end of our onversation....he managed to tell me to have fun and enjoy my night on the octoberfest...that went awkwardly.

Hi...I have a confession...

I have a confession...NO, I DIDN'T KILL SOMEONE!

...my confession is that i've met a new man. I mean new...a very very new one...even the plastic hasn't been peeled off from him. Well...as usual...he broke my heart into pieces. We went out many times...four or five times in this month...as we've known each other for only a month. He didn't make any promises to me to be with me...but his body language told me that he really wanted to be with me. I don't really understand it.

Now...he went to somewhere where his ex is...n he didn't even tell me that he's goin there...again i've been lied. He's not cheating on me...but i think he and the gf is still together. I pity the gf for having this man. Why does my life being surrounded by insincere man...

I started to like him but he did this to me...but nevermind. I'm no longer his colleague...it's tiring to cry everynight for him...but now i know the truth...it's ok. Hope my new day will begin when i'm in my new job...

...if u dun want to....

...if u dont want to dwell in your past and history life just dont go back to the path that u were once there. and please stop reading anything i've put in my blog. i mind my own business and u mind yours. sorry that things doesnt go as we please but i have to accept that i wont and cannot be with you. it's either me or you that has to be cruel so that we can end something that we've started. calling me with a tone that is not likely to be nice...and asking me how am i and suddenly thrust things that u will never understand. u're partly blaming everything on me but never even once look at yourself. perfection is never owned or gained by anyone, only you yourself can judge urself n not others. may God bless you...through your journey.

...back to square one...

...lies are always there when u do not need them. i wonder what would it be like to be with someone without any lies? i admit it that i do, too, uses lies to protect myself and ended up trapping myself. my new partner...he is the one who does not like planning. he is the one who likes to do one go...but ended up...not one thing has gone according to plan but ends up in the trash.

i  was frustrated that the trip has been cancelled and the car that he ordered until now no news. i think i, myself, has to do something to earn a car for myself. i was very stupid to do thing according to what he must say. i should do things what i'm better doing at. i feel very stupid waiting for a man to give me money and actually believe in him. GOD, i was stupid. life is never that pleasant. now i know how i should do things.

i should collect all the job offer that i can get and head on to my life. i need money. that should motivate me...No men can stop me from pursuing my destiny...

i feel like the world's been infected when u left me...

You lost me...

...endless miserable happiness...

...i thought that things could be better everyday. wish is just a wish, just to build a hope that will never happen. i am happy to have a boyfriend who maybe thinks that i  changed which i am just occupied with things around me. he changes too as he thinks about lots of stuff inside his head everyday about me. i knew that this day would come.

the thing about love is...it fades time to time. if there is no chemistry, leave it. if you thought there is something, it does not hurt to try but just do not let urself being fooled by it. i don't know my state right now, i am not happy and i am always miserable. going to the club is one of my ways to release the tension and misery...but he thought that i am looking for men. this is part of the reasons that i dont understand but it happens to everyone who is still a rookie. i am immune as i don't know the definition of love. when u love someone they corrupt ur freedom and ur mind. i hope no one is living a life just like mine. it sucks bad time.